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ACCOMPLISH - TO DO AND COMPLETE

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 15:38:13 +0100

I remember one morning in a meeting, Daniel asked us to list all of our accomplishments.
Accomplish - to do and complete.
I began chronologically by listing my earliest accomplishments, but when I got past high school, very few things that I began did I ever see through to completion. I was taken aback. Wow! All I could say that I had accomplished in my adult life was carrying and delivering my babies. All of them had been born healthy and out of harm's way. But thank GOD that even though my last baby was born with HIV, he has kicked my immune system and is one of the rare cases that are referred to in the medical profession as "miracle babies". But the harsh cold realization that my only accomplishment hadn't been met with any follow through and could have cost my child his life was devastating. However, it was that cold slap of reality that ended my complacency and started me down the path to accomplishments. I became diligent about completing E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G that I started, whether it was something small like leaving a message, rather than hanging up when the person I called wasn't there, to going back to school to complete and advance my education. I also remained consistent and took my time. Again I was enabled to exercise the first step of my process, living in the present and add it on to my 2nd stage - follow through and completion. In order to do this I began setting goals - starting short, with day to day. From there weekly, then monthly and what I planned to accomplish within a year. I then made a 5 year and 10 year plan. As I knocked down my daily goals and reached my weekly, I began getting closer to my month long goal as long as I didn't go too far ahead of myself or get bogged down in the past. As I marked off goals set and met, years went by and my confidence in myself increased. Now not only was I accomplishing the goals that I set before myself but I was really seeing growth and knew the feeling of accomplishment. It is now 10 years down the road, all the goals that I set at that time have been met, with a few minor changes here and there, but for the most part, I'm still on track and off to setting and making new goals for the next 10 years!!
TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!

STAIRS

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 15:32:46 +0100

While going through the Stairs program, which is a fabulous parolee program that I can honestly say has given me the required tools to change my mind and rebuild my life. It was there that I was enabled to correct the wreckage of my past, start over again and reestablish a foundation that is solid, sturdy and has proven to be built to last. In the mandatory meetings I was asked questions, that I was left to ponder and which evoked alot of self exploration and discovery. This inner soul searching was as necessary to me as the sobriety itself. However, without one I could not have the other and without the other I could not have the one. So, for me they went hand in hand, When the exploring began 'peeling the onion' as I like to call it and I got deeper and deeper into my soul not only my answers but all of my healing began. The supernatural has a way of just 'moving' heaven and hell to work with you when you're moving toward your highest good.
TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

THE GIFT - THE PRESENT

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 15:28:45 +0100

When I started getting my life back together I had a lot of past wreckage to repair. At first, I thought my largest challenge would be to reunite with my family, but I soon came to realize that my largest challenge was reuniting with myself. It was first an inside job. I had so much work to do on and with myself. It started with changing my mind, which isn't as easy as it sounds. It's a process. You know you want to, but how? My whole adult life had been a wreck, where exactly was I to start. As usual, I put God first, but now I was going to have to do my part too, just leaning on an outside God was not going to be enough. But once I truly had a made up mind, which was the first step and realized that my life was unmanageable and that only God living in me could restore me to sanity, if I would make this my top priority. Once done, things begin moving from my highest good. I had to learn to live for the moment. Not to think ahead or behind to just be and then do. Don't get caught up in the guild of the past nor the uncertainty of the future. But you enjoy the gift of the present that proved to be my very first challenge. Once you can do that you have to learn to live in the present as the gift that it is.

FADE TO BLACK

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 06:54:54 +0100

I found that getting off the street was just as, if not more difficult than getting off drugs. I guess you can say that homelessness and all of its "lack of" is its own form of addiction. In all honesty, I know that had I not been on drugs I don't believe that i would have ever become homeless, but as with everything, you never know. Once on the street,the freedom, is addicting, the lack of responsibility is liberating and the mere thought of everything conventional is "boring." So, once off the drugs and real life starts to be a part of our daily reality once again, with all of it's responsibilities, the street and it's lifestyle eventually fade to black

PREPARING FOR THE JOB MARKET

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 06:51:37 +0100

On my last jaunt to prison, I realized that the strength of my sobriety was contingent upon what I did to fill in those gaps that once were filled with getting high. For me, my Spirit has always been my strong suit, but my mind definitely plays a close second. So along with the meetings and a constant conscious awareness that and who GOD is. I decided to return to school at 38, in order to be better equipped for my new role in society and reestablishing myself in the job market. As well as strengthening my main muscle. After a bit of mental exploration I decided that I wouldn't concentrate at this time on my end goal. I just wanted to become acclimated to using my mind again and to thinking critically and logically. I returned to school, first taking college english, something that I thought was not only fundamental, but also had been my favorite subject, I aced it and built my confidence enough to do it again. By my second semester, I was confident enough to venture a bit further. I didn't really know what I wanted to be, but I knew what I wanted to do. I wanted to counsel children of addicted parents,and help rebuild the millions of families that are in the same situation that I was in. I wanted to give back in the same area that had taken so much from me, my family and numerous families across the nation. Thus this website. My way of touching millions and helping heal our nation. For the bible says...Charity begins at home.
'TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!'

A LEDJN IN HIS OWN TIME

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 06:37:05 +0100

I remember it as if it were yesterday. There was a knock at the door, as I opened it, it was to GOD's greatest surprise. It was a Fedex messenger with a certified letter for Angelle Smith. I quickly tore into the envelope to find a letter from California Department of Family Services (defects, as the kids call it). What could this possibly be? There must be a mistake, I don't have any children in the system anymore. i had lost custody and parental rights years before. The last one had been Ledjn and his foster family had asked to adopt over 10 years ago, so what could this be? As I opened the envelope, I saw that there was to be a change of venue for Ledjn-Ari Reed, but why are they contacting me? I have no rights. I immediately phoned the social worker on the case, to find out to my surprise that the adoption that I had consented to and given up my rights for some 10 years prior had not gone through. They had run into a glitch, which had stopped the process and now, 10 years later, they were wishing to reinstate the proceedings in order to move out of state. To be honest, I was truly thrown for a loop, what exactly did this mean to me. I had given up my rights years ago and had released him in my Spirit. I had come to live with him "belonging" to another family and now how would this letter and phone call alter all of our lives. I listened attentively as the social worker explained how and why the proceedings were terminated. Ledjn, who she kept referring to as Derek, being 12 years old, had to know that I had responded to their letter. She asked if I minded if she told him that she had located us. I told her of course not and if possible, I'd love to meet him and he to get to know his brothers. The next day while I was at work, I got a call from my oldest son, Taj, saying that there was someone on the phone named Derek, saying he was my my son.
TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

BE ENCOURAGED

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 06:34:00 +0100

I remember when Blaize and I first reunited - WOW - Did I ever need someone to talk to. I talked to my mother, but her 'reality' was completely different from mine. She had always been there for me. Eventhough through therapy I had learned that due to my being adopted, I had separation anxiety. Consciously my mom was my mom and was always there for me and always would be there for me, but subconsciously this wasn't the person that i had begun this journey with from conception, and somewhere inside they say, I knew this, thus separation anxiety.
Anyway, back to Blaize, wow, did I and do I ever need someone to talk to. I was anxious and excited, and it was even more special because of the way that everything began coming together. It left no room for doubt that this was a direct answer to my prayers and that the page had now turned and I was on the road to reuniting and getting ALL of my children back. GOD was having his way!! Along with anxiety, I also had apprehension, not that I doubted myself, cause if GOD saw fit to bring him back, who was I to question my worthiness. I trusted GOD as always when it comes to my preparedness, but sometimes everyday parenting showed me the difference. Normal 13 year old dilemmas combined with lack of knowing each other was at times overwhelming. I said at that time that I wanted to start a support group for parents who had been separated and were now reunited with their children. There wasn't one out there, that was 8 years ago and I've still yet to find one. So, as with anything else, I saw a need and a great 'silent demand'. All of my friends and associates who have regained custody all needed to talk. Some stumbled through doing the best they could, some relapsed from the unrelieved pressure and others have disappeared , but yes we do have some success stories. As for me, I've reunited and regained custody and for the most part we've settled in to 'family life.' It is now time for me to use my experience, strength and hope and encourage others as well as continue to heal myself and my family. I know you are probably wondering why it took me 8 years to get it off the ground. It's because Blaize was only the first, but I had 2 more children returned to me as well as their father and I really was relishing in the ambiance of the presence of my family.
TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!!

STAY CONNECTED

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 06:28:07 +0100

People have a tendency to believe that if you have a relationship with God that certain things just won't happen to you. And when and if they do you're 'back-sliding' and out of the fold. That if you partake in "worldly" things that others don't find "GOD-like" then it's not even fathomable that you are connected. But judge ye not, that ye shall not be judged.
For GOD "has chosen the foolish things of the world to confound the wise." 1 Corinthians 1:27.
So you never know. No one knows the mind of God.
And maybe, just maybe you haven't strayed at all, but others have and you are who God has chosen to draw them unto him.
I mean you can't talk to the countrymen if you haven't been to the country.
Stay connected!!
TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!

NO DISREGARD

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 06:23:45 +0100

Family isn't always about getting along, seeing eye to eye, or saying what the other wants to hear, but it is about sticking it out and being there for each other with desired love and mutual respect. I speak these words from a precarious place within,' because I'm at a junction. The Spirit within me won't allow anymore disregard and blatant disrespect. But how, despite or shall I say indirectly because of disrespect do I respond when someone needs me. I've made up my mind to draw the line. Each time, there's a situation, it almost always ends in disrespect and never is there a apology or any 'aha' moment, I guess it could be called consciousness. It just doesn't register that certain behavior isn't acceptable in the eyes of God for what he's doing in our lives. It's also not acceptable to me and will not be tolerated I still believe that a line is necessary at this point, that's what my mind says- but my heart will always lean toward reconciliation.;

HONOR THY MOTHER AND FATHER, THAT THY DAYS MAY BE LONG!!!

PROMISES FULFILLED

Thu, 27 Feb 2020 06:20:52 +0100

I wish I could tell you that everything in our family is healed, healthy,and whole, but that would not be the truth. We're dysfunctional, have yet learned in many instances how to effectively communicate or love each other and there are many days that I question my prayers. As much as I wanted to reunite w/ my children, it wasn't at the expense of myself or my respect. It took me a minute to pull myself up and dust myself off, but I will not allow anyone or anything to separate me from the love of GOD and the respect for myself that I now stand for, even if it's those that I have carried and delivered. For just as they feel and know that they've lived their lives without us, we too have learned to live without them. I'm grateful to GOD for promises fulfilled and faith manifest and sometime for me that's enuf. i know that l have his heart, his promises and his love and on those things I live!!!
TO GOD BE THE GLORY!!