FAMILY

While going through the Stairs program, which is a fabulous parolee program that I can honestly say has given me the required tools to change my mind and rebuild my life. It was there that I was enabled to correct the wreckage of my past, start over again and reestablish a foundation that is solid, sturdy and has proven to be built to last. In the mandatory meetings I was asked questions, that I was left to ponder and which evoked alot of self exploration and discovery. This inner soul search...

When I started getting my life back together I had a lot of past wreckage to repair. At first, I thought my largest challenge would be to reunite with my family, but I soon came to realize that my largest challenge was reuniting with myself. It was first an inside job. I had so much work to do on and with myself. It started with changing my mind, which isn't as easy as it sounds. It's a process. You know you want to, but how? My whole adult life had been a wreck, where exactly was I to start....

I remember it as if it were yesterday. There was a knock at the door, as I opened it, it was to GOD's greatest surprise. It was a Fedex messenger with a certified letter for Angelle Smith. I quickly tore into the envelope to find a letter from California Department of Family Services (defects, as the kids call it). What could this possibly be? There must be a mistake, I don't have any children in the system anymore. i had lost custody and parental rights years before. The last one had been Le...

I remember when Blaize and I first reunited - WOW - Did I ever need someone to talk to. I talked to my mother, but her 'reality' was completely different from mine. She had always been there for me. Eventhough through therapy I had learned that due to my being adopted, I had separation anxiety. Consciously my mom was my mom and was always there for me and always would be there for me, but subconsciously this wasn't the person that i had begun this journey with from conception, and somewhere i...

Family isn't always about getting along, seeing eye to eye, or saying what the other wants to hear, but it is about sticking it out and being there for each other with desired love and mutual respect. I speak these words from a precarious place within,' because I'm at a junction. The Spirit within me won't allow anymore disregard and blatant disrespect. But how, despite or shall I say indirectly because of disrespect do I respond when someone needs me. I've made up my mind to draw the line. E...

I wish I could tell you that everything in our family is healed, healthy,and whole, but that would not be the truth. We're dysfunctional, have yet learned in many instances how to effectively communicate or love each other and there are many days that I question my prayers. As much as I wanted to reunite w/ my children, it wasn't at the expense of myself or my respect. It took me a minute to pull myself up and dust myself off, but I will not allow anyone or anything to separate me from the lo...